InsightOnce during the day you should be alone with you. Talk with yourself; understand yourself. Tell yourself your weaknesses, problems and shortcomings and discuss them within you. Then ask for the answers. There is no better way for a woman to develop herself than to analyze herself, put it before herself and ask herself for the answers. There is no better friend, wise person or real thing to ask other than yourself.
© The Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, June 29, 1988
This past week has been an exercise in fear and frustration. I have been wound up like a top and spinning out of control. Initially I wanted to believe that it was my husband's fault. "He's judging me," "he's controlling," "we always listen to his music," "he never lets me drive," etc. But when I took a moment to reflect and talk to myself and ask myself for the answers, it came as clearly as a bell: I feel powerless. And then I had to laugh out loud. I was blaming my husband for my own feelings of powerlessness, when powerlessness in my life has everything to do with me and nothing to do with the outside environments. I'm a recovered addict and alcoholic; I know all about powerlessness, but still, it sneaks in sideways sometimes: through food, or too much tv, or just feeling stretched by too much going on. And all of these "adaptive behaviors" (smile) are simply my stress personality at work.
But when I take the time to be conscious--to be consciously conscious of my consciousness--then I break the repeated patterns in my stress personality and I have an opportunity for true insight. And often I laugh. I heard the other day that fear and laughter can't reside in the same place. If you're laughing, you can't be afraid. So here's to those moments of being able to laugh at myself; they are humbling, but they are also the greatest cure to what ails me--me!
In recovery we have what's called the 10th step, a daily inventory, which is essentially what Yogi Bhajan is describing above. Take a moment to reflect and look deeply at yourself--though it might be scary, you'll often find there's an answer already there--and if you're lucky you'll get to laugh!