Greetings from the Land of Enchantment: Ahhh resolve.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Ahhh resolve.

It's an interesting thing to observe oneself--especially assuming you're a seemingly mature, responsible human being. I notice that I'm terribly hard on myself and yet, not very disciplined and one would think that those two things would go hand-in-hand. Not.

What I've found works best for me is to just notice the things I am doing and the things I'm not doing and observe the patterns. For example, I've started all these sadhanas in the past few weeks since solstice but haven't been able to complete any of them. In fact, I stop around day 9 or 14--I think I made it all the way to 17 on one of them. So, I began again, or said so anyway, around my birthday. But only one of those have I kept. I am wearing white every day to help my aura. I've also recently begun a very short meditation in which I converse with myself every evening before I go to bed. Now, to some this may sound like an exercise in schizophrenia, but I'm finding it very helpful in looking directly at some of my blocks and beginning to be in relationship to them--therefore, changing them. (We do know now that observation is the beginning of change. Well, at least at the molecular level.)

But as for all the other resolutions--forget about it! Have I stuck to my 3-dish rule? (must wash the dishes if there are three or more items in or near the sink) Have I given up sugar? (well, only if you count eating a box of cookies a day, plus a soda here and there, giving it up--ha!) Have I begun exercising? (I've walked my dog once since my birthday--I don't think that counts as the hour of exercise per day that my psyche and body requires to be truly happy) So, here I am, a relatively self-aware woman who knows what she needs to do and can not do it. It's the human condition. Even Paul, that self-righteous apologist for Christ confessed a similar shortcoming: I know what is good to do and cannot do it (or something to that affect).

What is this? This human condition. How as a yogi can I continue to play this game? Wasting this life, this gift. Or, is it really a waste? Yogi Bhajan constantly said, Life is for Happiness. Your birthright is to be happy, healthy and holy. Relax. Etc.

Another resolve: from this day forward I will only do what I do. And observe the rest. Let's see what this approach brings, eh?

I'll keep you updated.


At 10:55 AM, Blogger Prabhu Singh said...

WaheGuru Ji Ka Khalsa, WaheGuru Ji Ki Fateh!
I think it helps to start small and make sure what you start is consistent. Your before bed exercise is nice. Also you could add recitation of Kirtan Sohila (if you don't already do it). Guru's bani is more powerful than anything we know. Kirtan Sohila takes about 1-2 minute(s) to read. This is something small that we could never claim we are too busy for. Also if you start with a simple 11 minutes of a meditation you will have a hard time making an excuse.
Eventually what happens is that your sadhana becomes something you can't live without. When you tell yourself, no matter what I need to do this meditation for 11 minutes, you won't be making a huge commitment, but you will set a mental pattern that all other activities/excuses will bow to your sadhana. Excuses and actions bowing to a mere 11 minutes might not seem like much, but it is the beginning. The trick is that you can't miss a single day or you basically start over. The mental pattern will not be set until the priority of your meditation is set. When I decided that I wanted to do 1000 days of Sat Kriya for 31 minutes, I simply couldn't fail. I couldn't throw away years of work just to miss one day. When I set the pattern that I would read my nitname daily since the day I received Amrit, I felt as though it maintains my Amrit which is more dear to me than my life. Starting small will set the pattern.
With exercise, if you just get into the 'fat burning zone' your body will start to release endorphins and you will start to feel really good. It can become almost like an addiction. You just have to reach that stage on a few consecutive sessions (daily, bi-weekly, whatever) and you'll want to continue.
Good luck with your endeavors and I hope my advice is worth something.
Sat Naam.

At 10:07 AM, Blogger Sat Purkh Kaur Khalsa aka Chiara Huddleston said...

I admire your discipline Prabhu--it is your gift. I have others. I think it's safe to say that our life experiences are radically different and although your advice is sound, I can say that these are things I know. Hence the soul's cry, I know the good to do but do not do it.
I don't want to cop out but I also don't want to deny my own experience which is that my relationship to myself and to God simply doesn't look like yours--but is equally valid and equally ecstatic--at times.
I once shared your enthusiasm and zeal, but mine has been tempered by time and circumstance and experience and simply by getting by. May yours never be sullied by such mundane things as life!
Sat Nam.


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