Ahhh resolve.It's an interesting thing to observe oneself--especially assuming you're a seemingly mature, responsible human being. I notice that I'm terribly hard on myself and yet, not very disciplined and one would think that those two things would go hand-in-hand. Not.
What I've found works best for me is to just notice the things I am doing and the things I'm not doing and observe the patterns. For example, I've started all these sadhanas in the past few weeks since solstice but haven't been able to complete any of them. In fact, I stop around day 9 or 14--I think I made it all the way to 17 on one of them. So, I began again, or said so anyway, around my birthday. But only one of those have I kept. I am wearing white every day to help my aura. I've also recently begun a very short meditation in which I converse with myself every evening before I go to bed. Now, to some this may sound like an exercise in schizophrenia, but I'm finding it very helpful in looking directly at some of my blocks and beginning to be in relationship to them--therefore, changing them. (We do know now that observation is the beginning of change. Well, at least at the molecular level.)
But as for all the other resolutions--forget about it! Have I stuck to my 3-dish rule? (must wash the dishes if there are three or more items in or near the sink) Have I given up sugar? (well, only if you count eating a box of cookies a day, plus a soda here and there, giving it up--ha!) Have I begun exercising? (I've walked my dog once since my birthday--I don't think that counts as the hour of exercise per day that my psyche and body requires to be truly happy) So, here I am, a relatively self-aware woman who knows what she needs to do and can not do it. It's the human condition. Even Paul, that self-righteous apologist for Christ confessed a similar shortcoming: I know what is good to do and cannot do it (or something to that affect).
What is this? This human condition. How as a yogi can I continue to play this game? Wasting this life, this gift. Or, is it really a waste? Yogi Bhajan constantly said, Life is for Happiness. Your birthright is to be happy, healthy and holy. Relax. Etc.
Another resolve: from this day forward I will only do what I do. And observe the rest. Let's see what this approach brings, eh?
I'll keep you updated.