Greetings from the Land of Enchantment: the hungry mob

Saturday, August 19, 2006

the hungry mob

My friend Bhajan and I hosted one of the Guru Ram Das evenings last night. (It's an eleven-day celebration leading up to Yogi Bhajan's Birthday Parth.) It feels like it didn't even happen. On the plus side, I can finally say I've learned to cook for 50 people. It was delicious. On the down side, it felt like by the time I got to sit down and eat, everyone was gone or on their way to being gone. I was hoping for some fellowship, some coziness. Maybe a few people stay for a movie? But I didn't even get to say "boo" to anyone. 50 people come in, they eat, and they leave.

Maybe I'm just being cynical this morning. But I kind of sympathize with my mother when she used to complain about cooking: You spend all this time, then you sit down, and then it's gone and all you have are dirty dishes.

It is said that your home and your life receive a great blessing by hosting the sangat in this way, but I'm afraid I'm just becoming more materialist in my old age. I want to actually enjoy the experience in itself. I want to have people stay and visit. I want to actually know who these people are that have come into my home. I suppose I'll stick to smaller events in the future. My house doesn't comfortably host that many people anyway.

Lesson learned.

Other lessons learned this week. . . . I have no idea how I'm perceived. My friend and teacher calls me to say how perceptive I am and how meditative my mind is. Who knew? Or what is it exactly that he sees since I have no apparent sadhana, no discipline, and an often "explosive" personality. My other friend says to me: You look so beautiful tonight. More beautiful than I've ever seen you. Meanwhile, I feel so not beautiful. Interesting. I'm working on my projection versus my insides--trying to make them come to balance. Maybe it's like some of those other old lessons learned. My perception of myself takes a while to catch up to the reality. Maybe I'm in the middle of a cognitive disconnect and its requisite intuitive leap. My insides haven't caught up to my outsides--or maybe it's the other way around?


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