Greetings from the Land of Enchantment: Broken Mala

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Broken Mala

This morning I did a two and a half hour practice of So Purkhs with some girlfriends. It was a beautiful practice. At one point, I wanted to include my beloved in the meditation, so I reached into my bag for my mala that he had given me and it was broken. A shock went through my body because I realized I could no longer live in my projection, my fantasy (which seems to be going around these days) about him--us. Because there is no us-and there never was--yet I've lived in the idea of it for months. The mala was a way for me to remember--remember what I'm not quite sure. Perhaps it was more a way for me to dream. To be fair, it was also a tremendous tool for my meditation. I had never had a mala before he gave this one to me--and it was a tremendous awakening for someone like me, generally agitated and impatient, to simply run the beads and chant the mantra. It was such a gift--a grace.

And now it's broken. Perhaps it's a sign that I'm finally freed from my attachment to something that never was. Or perhaps it's a sign of nothing at all. It's definitely a sign that I need a new mala.

May you be freed from your attachment.
May your heart always open to love.
May your horizons be filled with
a future you long for and
may your days be filled with the
contentment of the present.
May you meditate always
and may that be the gift--the grace--
you've waited for all along.


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