Greetings from the Land of Enchantment: Oh happy day

Friday, August 07, 2009

Oh happy day

My deadlines approach along with my birthday, so I'm not having a good time, yet. But I plan to soak and sing and eat on the actual day of my birthday--so that should help to alleviate any stress I've accumulated over the past few days leading up to the big day--the day I am officially in my 40s. There's no turning back now.

And sometimes it seems there's no moving forward. Yogi Bhajan often used to talk about the importance of hope. That we actually needed it in order to fuel the present, empower the now. My life, however, remains the same. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I woke up on the right side of the grass, today. And I hope to continue for the foreseeable future. But still, there seems to be very little momentum. Perhaps because most of my adult life I've been fueled by love--or fantasies of it anyway--and nothing of that remains. Brief hints and the inner knowing that I'm finally ready, unfortunately, mean nothing in the face of destiny--and it seems that mine is to be spent without those comforts that others take for granted.

A friend said to me the other day, "everyone has their own cross to bear." And mine is pretty light compared to hunger or mental illness or war or any number of tragedies that make up human existence. No real problems--only the illusory ones of my own mind: unmet desire and unfulfilled potential. So the task is to once again, change my mind, generate my own happiness, and serve the good.

So yes, it will be a happy day when it comes. And life is good, even when we don't feel so good ourselves.

Happy birthday to me....blessed be.


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