Greetings from the Land of Enchantment: Readiness

Monday, July 27, 2009


My birthday is soon approaching and I get to begin talking about life after 40. Not something that anyone looks forward to necessarily; but there is a sense of calm that comes with the territory. Most of my adult life I've struggled with the societal and familial norms that were placed upon me versus my own desires and wishes for my life. Did I want to get married and have children because I was told to want those things or because I actually wanted them? As it turns out, it wasn't something I needed to figure out because it never happened. But still, a good thought experiment nonetheless.

Now, after 40, with the likelihood of my ever marrying growing statistically slimmer with each passing day, the question still haunts me. Did I want it because I wanted it--or because I was told to want it. Nature or nurture or some combination of both?

I tend toward the latter--a bit of both. It's human nature to long to bond with another person; it's the juice of life--longing, love and lineage. It's also nurture--familial expectations, societal norms, and the longing to belong. Being single, as I've written about before, is a kind of plague: terrifying to others and isolating to oneself.

If I'm really honest, in all the years I longed to be married--whether coerced by societal and familial expectations or spurred on by God-given hormones--I was never actually ready. There was always a doubt, a question: would I really be happier? It always looked so hard.

Recently I realized that despite it all--or maybe because of it--I was actually finally ready. Ready to serve someone; ready to express kindness and love in very simple, even pedestrian ways; ready to see, receive and be--love. And now that I'm ready, it would take a statistical anomaly to actually make it happen, otherwise known as a miracle. (smile) I can't help but laugh at the irony. It takes what it,

Until you're ready, wait.
Movement is only a distraction.
When you know you're ready, wait.
Stillness is the miracle.

Patience is the flower.
Contentment is the fragrance.
Grace is the garden path.

Only emptiness can manifest everything--
and don't you want everything?


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