Greetings from the Land of Enchantment: Amalgamation Part the Second

Monday, July 23, 2012

Amalgamation Part the Second

What happens when the elements resist melting? Well, the smithy turns up the heat and someone usually gets burned, which hurts--a lot. As terrifying as it may be to amalgamate, it's even scarier to recognize that it may not be possible. What if I'm too set it my ways? What if he can't learn a new way to communicate? What if we end up just living at each other instead of for each other? Or worse, what if we just live with each other in some dry existence called duty and lose all devotion to one another? These are the thoughts post-fight and pre-make-up. But they are also very real.

The merging of two lives into one, two souls into one light, is a noble idea. It is the reason I was willing to set aside the life I knew and walk around the guru behind this particular man at this particular point in my life. I wanted to feel that sensation of losing oneself within a greater Self. I wanted to explore the unknown and because he was brought to me from the unknown, I dove--headfirst. But now that I'm here, in the water, I also want it to feel safe; I want there to be dry ground somewhere. But the act of merging or the lack thereof doesn't feel very safe. In fact, it may be the most dangerous thing I've ever tried to do. And although he said, "it's okay to keep falling for me;" if the ground has grown hard, won't it just hurt?

For now, that's where I'm at. It just hurts. But this is a report from the field, and in the middle of battle, you can't often see very clearly. I just need to get myself out of the way and pray for a miracle--another one. And hope that living for each other prevails on this day and every day.

Peace to all. Life to all. Love to all. Sat Nam.


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