Someone was asking about the wedding--again--and I said it sometimes feels like I'm right field waiting for a fly ball. Everyone's watching and the entire time I'm saying to myself, "you've never caught a fly ball in your life--and the last time you tried it hit you smack in the face--you can't do this". And there I am, standing alone in a field flooded with lights, waiting, in suspended animation, hoping I can make the catch.
I think the hardest part is talking about it. I communicate my ambivalence more than my joy and excitement, because that's what I do--that's my coping mechanism for life. Heaven forbid people know how happy I am! God might strike me dead. . . . and all the other superstitions the Positive Mind makes up to rationalize the Negative Mind's stories about how life works.
Meanwhile, the fans are up in their seats, anticipating, waiting for the perfect catch! Wish me luck!