HappinessI have been very cautious to say this out loud, but I'm happy. My mom called me last night worried because she hadn't heard from me--and usually that spells trouble. But in reality, I've just been afraid to say it out loud: I'm genuinely happy. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I'm the luckiest woman I know. And if I ever lose sight of that, all I need to do is watch my friends' reactions when he says or does something "otherworldly," which happens more often than not.
I spent the first 90 days of marriage wondering why in the world people subject themselves to this ritual that seemingly has nothing to do with rational behavior. I now understand why people do all the stupid things they do, which I used to judge so harshly, namely, the one-minute marriage and the unthinkable, cheating. When you're conscious within a marriage, you don't act on any of these things, but you definitely watch them arise in your mind as it seeks a way out. You see the way polarity either pulls you together or pushes you apart. You observe the tendency to want to run away. You contain the subconscious motivation to undermine or sabotage your virtues.
But somewhere along the line, I began to enjoy myself. When we reached the 120 day mark, I leaned over and said, "we may be getting the hang of this marriage thing;" and my husband said, "shhhh, don't spoil it." So even though I still don't understand why people do it in the first place, we are definitely making the most of it. We've both learned how to use humor to deflect a head-on fight when it's coming; we've both learned to over look things that at one time would have annoyed us; and we've both learned to relax and just enjoy it.
So here's to the next 120 days, and the next and the next and the next.