Greetings from the Land of Enchantment: Fair Fight

Friday, March 08, 2013

Fair Fight

This morning I got "khalsa-ed", which is a way of saying to someone, "You're not doing it right; you're not Khalsa enough." Well, I've played that game before and I'm too old for it now. Self-righteousness is not attractive. I should know. Still, my reaction is to say, "Oh yeah? I'll show you not Khalsa!" and then proceed to do something stupid. Luckily, I'm conscious enough to not act from my subconscious reactions any more. But I spent many years doing just that and I know the consequences--even more pain, even more shame. And I'm too tired to go down that same route again. But I don't quite know how to respond either--to act consciously.

So, how do you learn to fight fair in a relationship? What's okay to say because it's your truth and what's just mean or shaming? And in the heat of battle, how do you discern the difference? And how do you come to trust the person enough to simply express how you feel--which is betrayed and hurt--instead of getting mad in order to mask your tears?

I don't have any answers; just a lot of questions and the fallback line given by the Master, Yogi Bhajan, "You're right, I'm sorry; it's God's will."

It tastes bitter right now; but hopefully the sweetness will come again.


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