Greetings from the Land of Enchantment

Rapprochement

It's a term used in child-development for that going and coming that happens between a toddler and its mother. The mother's only job is to just be there--and let the child go and come, go and come. I often feel like I'm that child and God is the great mother, watching me go and come, go and come, always there, even as I always doubt She will be.

When I left for Minneapolis, my heart was full of hope, again. And hope is a dangerous thing. One of my mentors said, 'just have faith'. So I dropped my agendas, my strategies, and my usual bag o' tricks and decided to just go, be open, and see what opened up before me.

I came home full of that same hope--dangerous territory. Because people and things will always in some way fall short--not because they are not enough, but rather because I still, after all these years, don't know how to ask for what I really need. I still, after all these years, fall headlong into a future not yet written, hoping to be caught and, more often than not, I find myself picking pavement from my knees. In my desire to please--and not push--I end up destroying it all away anyway--sabotage.

So I return to my old adage: Abandon hope all ye who enter here. I return, again and again, to God and wait for faith to awaken in my heart a patience and a compassion that will allow everything--even what I'm most afraid of--to be okay. Cultivating a faith that redirects my hope to what is, right now; a faith that creates in me a grateful heart; a faith that allows me to continue on, despite all my insecurity and fear, because hope--that dangerous animal--has stirred my heart to love. And love can only fall and continue falling--in the faith that when love is love, it is an infinite fall.

Faith: rapprochement, returning again and again,
to the one who sustains us all, and praying
that this time, love
will be waiting
for me
at the end
of the infinite fall

posted by Sat Purkh Kaur Khalsa @ 12:48 PM