Greetings from the Land of Enchantment: Rapprochement

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


It's a term used in child-development for that going and coming that happens between a toddler and its mother. The mother's only job is to just be there--and let the child go and come, go and come. I often feel like I'm that child and God is the great mother, watching me go and come, go and come, always there, even as I always doubt She will be.

When I left for Minneapolis, my heart was full of hope, again. And hope is a dangerous thing. One of my mentors said, 'just have faith'. So I dropped my agendas, my strategies, and my usual bag o' tricks and decided to just go, be open, and see what opened up before me.

I came home full of that same hope--dangerous territory. Because people and things will always in some way fall short--not because they are not enough, but rather because I still, after all these years, don't know how to ask for what I really need. I still, after all these years, fall headlong into a future not yet written, hoping to be caught and, more often than not, I find myself picking pavement from my knees. In my desire to please--and not push--I end up destroying it all away anyway--sabotage.

So I return to my old adage: Abandon hope all ye who enter here. I return, again and again, to God and wait for faith to awaken in my heart a patience and a compassion that will allow everything--even what I'm most afraid of--to be okay. Cultivating a faith that redirects my hope to what is, right now; a faith that creates in me a grateful heart; a faith that allows me to continue on, despite all my insecurity and fear, because hope--that dangerous animal--has stirred my heart to love. And love can only fall and continue falling--in the faith that when love is love, it is an infinite fall.

Faith: rapprochement, returning again and again,
to the one who sustains us all, and praying
that this time, love
will be waiting
for me
at the end
of the infinite fall


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