Greetings from the Land of Enchantment: lessons on love

Thursday, October 02, 2008

lessons on love

Time and space cannot play any part
between two loving hearts. We have no obligation to
anybody, we owe nobody anything. We have an
obligation to ourselves to love ourselves. If we love
somebody and our heart is open, then let it be open.
This closing and opening of the heart is a bargain and a
business. It won't work. --Yogi Bhajan

I'm watching my mind and my heart open and close like a going out of business sale on Labor Day Weekend. My entire life I have bartered my way through relationships. It's always been an exchange, just not of money. It's always been a war of wills--my own versus the one I supposedly loved, which of course isn't love at all.

I'm learning where it comes from: a deep sense of not deserving to be nurtured; to be loved freely. So the exchange started early. And the false independence started before I knew who 'I' was. But where it's going?

In my better moments, I remember my infinity and I remember my beloved, the sweetness, the quiet moments, and the laughter that we share--and I remain steady; I connect beyond the time and space and feel 'us'. In my weaker moments, I doubt and question and lose my transcendence of time and space and instead simply say to myself, "where did he go?"

My heart opened one morning during Gurdwara. I looked up and said to myself, uh-oh. I felt it--as my gaze rested on his face, his clear, meditative brow--my heart opened up. So today I practice staying open. Open mind. Open heart. No more basement sales. No more chips on the table (or the shoulder). Just practice. Practice loving--loving myself, loving the beloved.

Open mind. Open heart.

Open Sea. . .Infinity


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