Fair FightI have a friend who says she doesn't really trust the friendship until it's been through its first fight and survived. I never really related. Plus you hear that in intimate relationships the fights are worth it just to make up later. That, too, I didn't really understand. In my mind, conflict-free was the ideal.
Then I survived my first real fight in my new relationship and it's been a revelation. I feel closer and more attuned to him that I did before the fight. I trust it--my feelings--more. I trust him more. It's all more real now. He was made to run the gauntlet and he's still standing--and he's still loving. To say I'm impressed is an understatement.
Being able to fight fair is crucial in a relationship. To discern what can be said and what can't; and to be able to stop yourself from saying what should never be said. These are the skills to communicating clearly, consciously and lovingly. It doesn't mean you don't use the sword; a woman's word is her sword. But it means you use it judiciously, carefully, for some words can never be taken back. You use the word to build toward something new--not just tear down something old.
In a new relationship one tends to tread lightly. But then how stable can you be be when you're standing on your tippy toes. When the proverbial rubber meets the road, you begin to see the measure of the man. And in that moment, in his willingness to meet the test, he became a giant. And I'm just enjoying the view, smile.