Greetings from the Land of Enchantment: disappearing

Monday, November 19, 2007


I know I've written about this before, but I continue to be shocked by my weight loss. I told a friend the other day, "well, it's not too strange. I used to be this weight before I moved here." But now I've moved beyond even that former set point. It's kind of frightening to realize how much I've lost--what I must have looked like before--wow!

Anyway, it's interesting in a more philosophical way because when I was younger, I couldn't handle being this weight--looking like this. I was so uncomfortable in my skin. Now I feel rather unselfconscious about it all. As if this is what I've always looked like, I just didn't know it yet. As if all the weight I carried for all those years was just a shell that's broken now. And I've stepped out of it and resumed life as if nothing were different. And yet I do feel different. I feel lighter--obviously. But not just physically. . . I feel lighter in every sense of the word. As if whatever those pounds were protecting was now open to the light and the sky and free to be whatever is wishes to be. . . .no longer hiding the me within me.

I won't deny there's a certain vulnerability that has accompanied this new body, this new me. But it's a good vulnerability. I used to be full of so much bravado that when my tender side revealed itself, it was often met with contempt. Now, my openness allows people to see my strength without rejecting the soft spots. I guess when it comes down to it--I just feel more like me. And it feels good.

So even as I disappear, I reappear more true. More me. Here's to you being more you!


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