Greetings from the Land of Enchantment: Trust

Wednesday, November 07, 2007


In my office, we have a set of Angel Cards. They're an interesting temperature reading of the interior life. Each day for weeks now, when I ask in my heart of hearts about my beloved, I draw Trust. Which is interesting in light of everything or despite everything--I'm not quite sure which.

Does it mean trust my own feelings? Does it mean trust him? Does it mean trust is an issue, which of course it is? Myriad questions arise--and yet, every day, there it is--trust. My mother has always said about relationships, "if you trust, then don't question; if you don't--run!" But I have so many questions!

And why, in the face of everything in my past, do I still trust? Me--who has been consistently lied to and cheated on in almost every single relationship I've ever been in! Me--who has been consistently hurt by every man I've ever loved. Me--who flies forward, longing to merge, even in the face of heartbreak. How is it possible? Masochism has been suggested (ha!).

To tell you the truth, I have no idea. Love is never rational. And yet, as I get older, I often wonder if reason will someday step in and temper my often overly spontaneous and open heart. Hasn't happened yet...sigh. However, there is a small inner voice that says, wait. Just wait.

I woke up after my post-sadhana nap last week and was hit with such a tremendous sense of grief--true mourning. I was filled with the sense that whatever had transpired between my beloved and I would somehow never be made whole again--that whatever had been was gone and that to forgive one another would prove to be an unbridgeable gap. Everything is possible by guru's grace and yet, my heart wonders. . . .will it be possible? I can't know.

The hukam continually reminds me to simply sing the praises of God and everything else will come into place. In fact, a recent hukam said "sing the praises of the Lord and the heart lotus will be opened." An interesting turn of phrase given my beloved's name. So, I sing. And, I wait. And I keep myself from 'rushing forward where angels fear to tread.' Because if forgiveness is possible and if trust is true, then it must come from the guru, not from any of my own machinations, or self-will, or desire, or even my own prayer.

It's either the hukam or it's not. So I live in the flow of the days and try to align myself with what is.

May we all know happiness
May we all know peace
May we all live and breathe
and trust the hukam,
the lord's command.

And may we love
always love--
because of everything
and despite everything
may we love--everything


At 2:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that no one is happy in this world because we tend to find contentment from outside world. Yes, we do need relationships or family but if it has been tried several times then maybe there is a message or not.

I would only suggest that keep youself in high spirits and be happy every second of life because life can be wasted in agonizing moments and these moments will over take our self-being, and make our thinking so cloudy that we become numb to our actions. And also we tend to fall in the trap of depression, where we may end up digging a bigger and deeper hole for ourselves.

I remember those days when I was struggling with college and I always wanted to become a physician. Which seemed unreasonable task in this lifetime and all the doors were shut. I remember that I used to go to the Gurdawara when its empty and sit there for couple of hours mediatating. Then I would pray "hey Guru, I have heard so many stories about peoples lives being changed in this lifetime, so show me the direction IF it is under your will, because ONLY you know if there is true benefit of achieving that goal or not"
Guess what slowly things began to change.

So, If having relationship is Good for you according to your karma's then that infinite power will provide your wish. the relationship may bring harm to you in the future that you are not aware of it then why would your supreme beloved, true beloved let you go through it.....

But sometimes children do throw tantrums and their wish is granted but they have to face the consequences of it.

Finally, be happy very moment of your life and the biggest thing is try to bring happiness in someone's life and that feeling will bring true euphoria. As you travel the journey of your life its possible that you will meet someone who is AT your level of thinking or not. Then why put our happiness in the other person's hand, rather have it under our own control.

sing the praises and you will obtain true beloved. The day your tenth gate is opened you will see your true beloved who is without any judgements, who is sustainer of endless universes...... True human beloved are hard to find because love has conditions attached to it........

Honestly, enjoy your life and spread the essence your fragance on others.

Gurinder "G"


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