The Solitary LifeI'm not one who typically goes for 'readings into the future.' But every once in a while it's 'a fun' and sometimes it can be quite compelling. I had a reading with Sangeet Kaur from Phoenix yesterday; she works with your birthdate, the lifecycle teachings, and intuition. It was not only confirming but somehow refreshing.
I've been trying to get some perspective on 'the love thing.' The older I get, the more I wonder if that single, intimate relationship is necessary. I mean, it hasn't happened yet--and maybe that's because it's not supposed to. So yesterday's reading was very useful to me, given these questions that have been going round about in my head this year.
I've told friends that "if this one doesn't work out (i.e. the man I'm in love with) then I'm just going to let it go", meaning the search for that intimate connection. And they all, with a resounding cry, say, No, don't give up! But it's not about giving up--and the reading confirmed that for me. I've now been told twice that I don't need to get married; it's not in my karma, arc line, destiny, etc. It's not something I need to do in order to complete anything. But each time I've also been told, "you could if you want to." But it would be a gift, not a burden or a necessity--and that feels good and right.
I shared my ambivalence with some friends last night and they confirmed my position--it's not the end game; the sole purpose of being a woman, which in many ways is the conflict within me. Since I was a child, it has been all that I wanted: love, marriage, family, the whole nine yards. But how much of that was really my desire versus my conditioning? There's the question--especially now. Somehow I believed that an intimate relationship would be the defining factor of my life, when in fact it hasn't even come close. My search for self, my sobriety, my artistry, the ups and downs of my career, my friendships--these are the constants. These are what make up the thread of my life's story.
Do I want this love I feel to manifest? Do I want this devotion, this joy in serving him, my beloved, this coziness, to become real, to become a life together? Yes. But if it doesn't, I can now rest my mind and my heart firmly on this truth: The solitary life isn't so bad.