Being HeldThere is something so beautiful and simple about beind held. It fulfills so many fundamental longings--the longing to belong, the longing for safety, the longing to comfort and be comforted. It is karta purkh, the hand that guides, protects, and watches over. To be held by the one you love--sublime.
My longing to belong to someone grows stronger every day. I've been single for a long time, so I know how to be alone. It's very familiar. It's comfortable. It's safe. The longing to belong to someone, though not new, has become an expression of my desire to grow. I've reached the limits of personal growth on my own; I need a mirror, a relationship with another human being, to reflect me back to myself in order to expand further, to grow beyond my blocks, to see myself. It's too easy to hide when you live alone.
This longing to belong, this longing to be chosen, has created a vast desert around me. Everything is dry and empty in the face of this longing. I feel like the bird in the Guru Granth that only accepts water from the heavens, so cries with its throat open to the sky, waiting, waiting for that one drop of rain. I have lost interest in food or water and wait only for the nectar that is love--that long-awaited pool of cool water that will surround me, bathe me in delight, wash me in the ecstasy of merger with another.
This waiting, this emptiness, this zero-point, I know will make the nectar of love, when it comes, taste all the sweeter. And I know that it will come. I have received the hukam. So I wait. And long for the day when my beloved will hold me and never let me go, never let me run, never let me hide, but will shine on me like the sun and show me myself and love me in the face of everything--good and bad, known and unknown.
May we all receive
that which we most long for
may the desert be filled
with blooming flowers
and may the cry of the peeoo
be filled with that longed-for
drop of rain