Greetings from the Land of Enchantment: Epiphanies

Friday, May 30, 2008


Part of any spiritual journey includes a few epiphanies--touches of grace--sometimes painful, sometimes ecstatic. The past 24 hours has brought me a couple of epiphanies--in turns painful and ecstatic. As a recovered alcoholic, I know that I cannot find freedom by looking at what's been done to me--whatever truths lie there are incomplete (because they are viewed from the lens of the ego) and ultimately have nothing to do with me. In order to be free, I must look at me.

That was the painful epiphany--but such a welcome one, because now that I've seen it, I can be free of it. In looking at this past year, I had to recognize my own part, my complicity in creating the circumstances and environments that invited pain into my life. And though it was hard to see, it also brought with it such empowerment--now I can simply quit doing what I was doing! I can change! (Not that it's that easy, but it's a beginning.)

The second epiphany brought with it a touch of grace. In recognizing my own part, I realized I no longer had to make 'him' into the 'bad guy'. It wasn't necessary. I'm not angry. In fact, I'm just relieved. The samskara is completed, finished, done. My prayers for him and myself have worked.

But an even deeper transformation has happened than just being able to release that particular samskara, that particular attachment to him, my beloved. I feel in some way that my attachment to the kind of woman I have been, lifetime after lifetime, has been lifted. The clinging, smothering, needing to be saved persona has been healed. I am rightly aligned and my state of longing has been lifted, relieved. I am content. There's no longer that sense of gnawing emptiness, instead it's a sensation of the hollow reed--Shiva's flute. I am lighter. I am brighter. I am free.

I am blissful. And I wish him and all of us, really, only happiness. True happiness and peace and love--the Big Love--and a state of falling into grace, falling into the arms of the True Beloved, within.


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