Greetings from the Land of Enchantment: Reframing

Monday, August 13, 2007

Reframing

I speak openly about my sobriety because I want people to know that recovery is possible--and that life can be good again. In my post this morning, I spoke of my healing process and its relation to dropping pain. What I failed to mention is the greater context in light of my recovery.

The most challenging thing to recognize in this entire process has been my own 'stuff'. And when it finally dawned on me, it was devastating--to see the depth of my addiction as expressed in relationship--after so many years of recovery. I liked to think of myself as recovered--from that "seemingly hopeless state of mind and body"--and yet now, I face that same need for surrender and acceptance, the need to go through the process yet again in light of my approach to intimacy and relationship.

These past few months have shown me myself in ways that I never would have seen had I not taken the leap of faith and loved, freely and openly. I would never have seen the twists in my own heart: the attachment, the greed, the self-centeredness. But I also would never have had the opportunity to heal: to uncover the root and get an opportunity to dig it out, so that by God's grace, should I get the opportunity to love again, I can approach it with a new awareness, a new openness, a new level of trust, and a new consciousness.

I'm so grateful to have seen myself--to have had the opportunity to behold myself in the mirror of another's eyes and see those things that had been hidden for so long. Only love could have revealed it. Only love could have uncovered it. And only love can heal it.

And yes, we cannot stop in the face of pain. We must continue to move forward and allow the momentum of change to clear the path behind us and open the future before us. And as we move along the path, continue to drop things, slough off the old and make room for the new.

I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. Someone asked me last night, "how can you look so good if you're in so much pain?" And I said, I have no idea! But I think for once the inside is having to catch up with the outside. Because I don't recognize the inside anymore either. Everything old is new again. And the question remains, Who am I?

In visions, in my essence, I am a wild woman--hair flying behind me riding a dragon or bare-breasted hair flying in all directions shouting into the wind. And yet, here I am contained and content, striving to express myself in this small way, put this big voice into this small frame.

Wild Woman--
who you are
and who you will be
--always and ever
free

Wild Woman--
sing your song
howl to the moon
swim in the current
of ever-flowing
love

Wild Woman--
forget not
the dark night
or the vast sky
that lies within
--fly!

Wild Woman--
hair flying free
be to be
and all that is good
and bad becomes one
--infinity

Wild Woman--
love and love
and love until
it breaks your heart
and all that is old becomes
new


Wild Woman--be you!

2 Comments:

At 4:32 PM, Blogger Gurupurkh Kaur Khalsa said...

i really relate to and appreciate this poem. thank you. love you so much-gurupurkh kaur

 
At 4:33 PM, Blogger Gurupurkh Kaur Khalsa said...

i really relate to and appreciate this poem. thank you. love you-gurupurkh kaur

 

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