Greetings from the Land of Enchantment: Another poem

Monday, August 06, 2007

Another poem

I found an old journal of mine this weekend; the last poetry entry was from 1994! Yikes. Of course I've written since then, but it was interesting to see the same patterns, the same longings and yearning of the heart.

My patterns have surfaced and once again I get to see myself. Another layer of the onion. And, once again, I get to recognize that most of these deep-seated patterns cannot be changed by my own personal will, but instead, I must rely upon the grace of God. And it is this recognition, this surrender, that allows me to have so much more freedom this morning than I've had in weeks, months. My story, my desire, my, oh my self-seeking, has once again led to my isolation.

When I experienced depression in my 20s, I would shout to my own consciousness--Change! Learn! Today, I whisper it. I stay open; I stay vulnerable; I allow myself to experience this pain without suffering any longer. I continue to love--through it all.

Ancient History

Ancient history
like some mariner's song
lost upon the sea
the wind carries
its echo, whispers it to me

Gone the sideways glance
the brush of the hand
the quiet smile
or burst of laughter
head thrown back to the sky

No more dancing in the kitchen
his hand on my heart
my hand on his
My beloved and I
breathing together

Fold away the the baby's union suit
you bought because it said "i love you"
in sigh language and reminded you of him
the t-shirts he gave you ("to have me around")
the dreams, the plan

Ancient history
today's love song
no longer speaks of hope
but only tenderness
and truth
this moment
and this one--
remembering you


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