The Yogi in the Real WorldAs women, we're pretty sensitive creatures--intuitive, insightful, aware of the slightest changes in tone, posture, gesture--to the point that we generate trouble where there was none. I fall prey to the commotion too, even with my more overt masculine qualities--straightforward, direct, blunt. One of my touchstones speaks of the 100 forms of fear being the root of all our troubles--emotional insecurity, financial insecurity--you name it.
As I look at the events of this week I begin to understand why I'm in such a state of overwhelm: I'm in the middle of financial insecurity--overcommitted myself to things I now can't afford; I'm in the middle of emotional 'insecurity' in that I'm involved in something so new that some level of insecurity is only natural and normal; I'm in the middle of job overwhelm, new tasks assigned all the time, even as my standing responsibilities get further and further behind. Up to my eyeballs as they say.
I have a history of mental illness. In my twenties I used to desribe my mental state like this: take a scalpel and run it from the crown of my head down the middle of each of my limbs and trunk and pull so that every nerve is exposed--that's how I felt--filleted. I'm happy to report that my nervous system is much stronger now. I'm under way more pressure than I used to be and now it just looks like your typical 'bad day', with the occasional crying bout in the shower--hydrotherapy (smile). So even though yesterday I felt filleted, in reality, it was just 'a bad day' and I'm learning to show up despite them. And for that I'm soooo grateful. I suppose it's just the reality of being a yogi living in the real world.
For the longest time I lived in fear of a major depressive relapse; but now I have faith in my own experience, practice, and discipline. And I believe in tomorrow--which is always a good sign!
So, to tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
may you be blessed with peace and tranquility
may prosperity ever blossom in your presence
and may the light of you soul shine brighter
and brighter, illuminating your path
and guiding those in your wake
toward their own excellence,
their own experience