Greetings from the Land of Enchantment: The things we say

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

The things we say

As men and women I think we have very different approaches to communication. I tell everything to my girlfriends, well, not everything. But almost everything. Men on the other hand, say very little. I used to wonder how my mom could stand how silent my father was until she said to me, Well, darling, he talks to me!

There are some things that I feel like I would burst if I didn't share, wheras a man could never speak of it--ever. Interesting the social nature of problem solving for women versus the solitary reflection of the man. I admire both skills.

Then, of course, there are the ways we communicate to each other--not just to our friends and family. What do you say or not say to your partner? I haven't been in a relationship in a loooong time, so my "what to say" meter is a bit rusty. I just speak from my heart and then backpeddle later. What a man considers a confrontation, I consider an interesting observation. I've got a lot to learn, to say the least. I've always been a bit intimidating, I'll admit. But it never occurs to me in the moment. I believe I'm just stating my position, or being honest, or inquiring into the root of the problem; meanwhile, the man has this glazed look on his face, or worse, he looks angry or withdrawn.

Yogi Bhajan taught that a man shuts down after 9 minutes--and you never know why, until it's no longer relevant because you've both moved on. So, the key is to apologize quickly, forgive easily, and never assume it's about you.


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