40 Days with Durga
Well, I completed my 40-day sadhana this morning at 4am....It was an auspicious time to do my final reading of Chandi di Vaar for this sadhana and to follow it with Japji Sahib, the Song of the Soul. I feel like the intention and prayer that I entered into this sadhana with has been answered. I wanted the demons removed from my life--and they have been removed. They just weren't the demons I was expecting. My demons were very close to home. And as hard as it has been to see it and accept it, I'm so grateful. I feel as if I've been saved from a lifetime of heartache and misery.It's interesting to reflect on the strange ways of the heart. At one point early on, I looked at the tratakum of Yogiji and I said, This is what I want. And he looked at me and said, Okay, you can have him, but you will experience a lot of pain. And at the time, I signed up. My heart cried out, Better pain with him than happiness without him.
So, you see, the demon rested within me. That part of me that would rather suffer than be happy; that part of me that believed I deserved this--or at least didn't deserve anything better; that part of me that is soooo accustomed to being loyal in the face of neglect and hurtful behavior. And also that part of me that is attached to the story. He fit my story--and I signed on without asking any questions.
Now I know that happiness on my own is so precious that I will never trade it in again for the mirage, the dream of happiness elsewhere. And I also know that whatever demons remain are also my own. There is nothing outside of me. There is only me. So I have no hard feelings toward him or remorse for what happened. These old demons have been rooted out and I now have the opportunity to rest in the truth of my own experience, my own happiness and joy, arising naturally with each breath, with each rise of the sun.
My life has now begun.
posted by Sat Purkh Kaur Khalsa @ 6:23 AM
9 Comments:
Wow! you know what, you should realize that you are a very strong person with a strong discipline. You know how difficult it is even to think about sadhana, but going through it completely is unexpressionable.
Could you please inform me what time you go to sleep in order to wake up in the morning? How long it took you to over come laziness?
It would be inspiring to know this, so that I could apply it on myself. I lack disipline in doing meditation but I can do other affairs for hours.
guurji has shown me the saints of this era. Thank you!
gurinder "G"
Well "G"-ji
I don't wake that early every day! In part, I wasn't able to sleep at all last night, so I finally just got up and did the practice. And it did seem an auspicious way to end the sadhana.
As far as the ambrosial hours and how to do it, it helps to live in a community. If I had to maintain it on my own, simply put, I wouldn't. So knowing that there are a few other people gathering together to chant helps.
As my teacher said to me, start with what you can do successfully--even if it's only 3 minutes a day--and then the discipline will flower in its own way through grace.
Thank you ji,
I guess now days we have cyber sangat to guide us. Its great to be living in this era, where we can share information in matter of seconds.
Thank you
Gurinder "G"
sat nam "G", just wanted to add that Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan is a really helpful way to move through blocks in our discipline or in our spirit's way of expressing it's deepest needs. It's not for everyone, that's for sure, and a support structure is needed, as well as very importantly a teacher you really feel that you can trust. There are many good books written by students and teachers of this specific lineage, you can recognize them by the words Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan somewhere in the title or on the cover. It may or may not be something of interest to you, just thoght I'd mention it. God Bless You and You and You! Love you Sat Purkh Kaur Khalsa.
Gurupurkh kaur Khalsa ji,
I would love to learn more about kundalini, matter of fact I have attended one class and I really loved it. Due to commuting distance of 40miles and heavy traffic I was unable to attend classes.
I would like to ask an open question to cyber sangant, I was thinking about ordering DVD set by Nirvar singh from alaska but I could not find any reviews on it. I hope you could provide some guidance.
What kind of excercises (kirya) would you reccomend to do for anxiety, to clear up fears, to have crystal clear mind.....
I have been stuck in my life. I have done excellent in my academics but got stuck at the end and now I cannot focus on my board exams which give me anxiety and I cannot focus on my matter. I want something that will work fast to clear my mind so that I could move on with my life.
please shed some light on this matter
Gurinder "G"
Nirvair's videos would be a great resource for you if you're unable to locate a teacher in a convenient location near you.
You can also go to the kriteachings.org website and purchase yoga manuals--Sadhana Guidelines would be a good first manual for you.
Sat Nam.
Thank you Sat Purkh kaur ji.
I will go on that website.
Love you guys as sangat of saints, I am blessed to be discussing my matter with true souls. just thinking this brings some peace to my mind.
Gurinder "G"
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh
Hi "G"
I used to get a lot of stress and anxiety when I was writing my exams too. What helped me was repeating raag goojree mehlaa 5, kaahay ray man chitvahi udam jaa aahar har jee-o pari-aa. It is in Rehiras Sahib. I repeated it over and over again whenever I felt anxiety. The good thing is that you can do this anywhere, even in the middle of the exam. You can read the translation on Sikhnet. IN the shabad Sri Guru Arjan Dev Ji tells us to not to worry and put our trust and faith in Waheguru. I just tried my best and left the rest up to the Creator. This way I lost my anxiety and could focus on my work. Everything will work out according to Waheguru's hukam.
Good luck!
n kaur ji,
Thank for providing that shabad. Thank you very much. I will do meditation on this shabad and also add some kundilini.
very luck to have cyber sangat!!!!! you are Guruji channel.
Gurinder "G"
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